D/s and Domestication
“Life is difficult.” These three little words were the simple and profound opening line to one of the most useful books I ever read, “The Road Less Traveled” by M. Scott Peck.
This has been on my mind lately as I have been facing serious challenges in my professional life, not just personally but fighting for the life of the company I work for. A lot has been on my shoulders and a lot of people’s lives and futures are riding on my success of failure. It is an awesome responsibility and at times a crushing weight. At the same time my Muse, thousands of miles away, has been facing her own equally weighty challenges with sick children and a stressful family life.
Together of late we have made quite a pair, and frankly D/s is often the last thing on our minds. And yet the intimate and trusting bond we have formed through our D/s relationship is often the bedrock we fall back on for support, nurturing and comfort in these difficult times. So while we have had little time or energy for what might be thought of as traditional BDSM play, our D/s bond is in fact carrying us through our difficult times in the most unexpected of ways.
When the world spins out of control and we are seemingly tossed aimlessly and helplessly about on a turbulent sea our Dominance and submission offers a refuge of comfort, stability and reassurance. It can be so hard to conjure the time and energy to simply pause and kneel when life is being it’s most difficult and yet that is precisely what we both need most. When we make the time to just be our most authentic selves the weight of the world and all of the stress that accompanies it is temporarily lifted off our shoulders and the incessant chatter in our minds quiets as we become singularly focussed on one another.
Kneeling in submission is a form of letting go, tolerance and acceptance. It is an internalization that whatever comes next is not within our control but in fact will be alright in the end, regardless of direction and outcome. It is the very act of letting go that so eludes my Muse in the rest of life but that she is able to practice in service to me. It is a near meditative state so necessary to her peace of mind and well being. Even in BDSM play, my Muse is often mentally at her most relaxed.
Being Dominant and having a submissive under hand is equally therapeutic to a Dom. In a world in which we have little control of our environment and those around us, the ability to lose oneself in the laser-like focus of Dominance (yes it is a form of service) over another gives a sense of control and reason so elusive in the rest of life. A calmness comes over me when my Muse physically or emotionally kneels and bows to me, prepared to serve in every possible way. Ultimately in D/s we each become fixated on the other’s happiness and needs and for a time are able to bathe in that feeling of oneness and shut out the noise, distraction and pressure of the outside world. It is indeed what we need most.
But that does not imply that we need to play our BDSM games or engage in scenes to accomplish this peace and tranquility. Dominance and submission is ultimately an emotional and mental state of being not a physical act. My Muse and I can bring one another into a heightened state of Dominance and submission at great distance through thoughts and words alone. We can turn inward on one another and tune out the rest. And we need to. Some days it seems that our very sanity and survival depend on it.
Ultimately, a D/s relationship does not have to imply collars and cuffs, ropes and floggers, spankings and orgasms. My Dominance and my Muse’s submission are present and in effect 24/7. We live our relationship this way at all times. We see each other in these roles continually. They are in fact not roles but our natural and continual state of being. But that does not mean we are acting on our power exchange in particularly overt ways. It is in our minds and in our hearts, not always our bodies. The simple act of emotionally or physically falling into my arms and being held in a loving and protective manner is in point of fact a manifestation of our power exchange. I lead, she follows. She lets go, I protect and nurture. She serves and I give in to her servitude and just accept and embrace. Its the little things that matter most.
Life is indeed difficult and sometimes it can be downright oppressive. But the safe harbor that is my D/s relationship with my Muse is in fact the most inviting and welcoming place I know to weather the storms and seek refuge from stress and uncertainty. It is a constant and a rock of security, acceptance, and love. It is, in the end, the only thing that really matters in an otherwise turbulent life.
Dominance and submission, and the profoundly deep and solid relationships that can stem from them, are so much more than just an opportunity for kinky play and sexual gratification. The intense state of oneness and unflinching trust afforded by a loving and sensual D/s relationship offers a sanctuary from the world and a safe place where we can simply let go, relax for a time, and revel in that which is most important in this life; the infinite possibilities of a bond with another human being.
Caption © For The Love of a Submissive, 2013
Image Credit Unknown